12 Days to Wedding

In 12 days I will be a married man. Ever since I proposed to Ashley I have been getting advice, "Joel says this." "Joel don't say that" "Joel you should help with the wedding" "Joel you should avoid helping with the wedding." I am appreciative that Ashley has just wanted me to be me. If that means I help or don't she wants me to be true to who I am. In our culture we are told that we have to work hard to be the best person we can be...whatever happen to being made in the image of God. Don't get me wrong...I am not naive enough to think that when I get married everything will be easy and stay the same, but I also don't want to work so hard to become someone who isn't me. Isn't it logical that doing such a thing would only make the transition of lifestyles more difficult. So I am in love, getting married, and trying hard to stay true to who I am while discovering who we will be.

Searching for Bobby Fischer?

The search is over. Bobby Fischer has been found. He currently resides in the Laugardaelir Church Cemetery in Hafnarfjordur, Iceland. Possibly the best chess player to ever live, Fischer led an interesting life.

In the summer of 1972 Fischer became an American Cold War hero when he defeated Boris Spassky in the World Chess Championship 12^1/2 games to 8^1/2. Fischer was the first and only American to ever hold the title. The news coverage of Fischer's victory transformed the game of chess overnight into a sensation that would empty store shelves of chess sets around the country. After attempting the lifestyle a celebrity he retreated instead to one of seclusion eventually having his championship title stripped from him when he refused to defend it in 1975.

Fischer was born March 9th 1943. The son of Regina Wendler a naturalized American citizen of Polish Jewish descent who was studying to be a nurse as well as pursuing a career as a school teacher. His father (allegedly) was Hans-Gerdhart a German biophysicist. The two met in Moscow each while studying in their own field and we quickly married. By the age of two Fischer's parents were divorced. He remained with his mother. Growing up the majority of his childhood on the streets of Brooklyn, Fischer learned to play chess with a set that his sister bought him at a candy shop on the bottom floor of their apartment complex. Even as a young teenager Fischer attracted attention of the mdia. Sports columnist Dick Schaap even took interest in the boy. At one time Fischer said that Schaap acted as a "father figure" to him. Fishcer would later use different words to describe Schaap. Not all was well for the future Grand Master. At the age of sixteen Fischer dropped out of school convinced that school had nothing more to teach him. Shortly after he dropped out his mother moved out of the apartment they shared. Many believed that Fischer resented his mother due to her ties to communism and admiration of the Soviet Union. This resentment would player and person Fischer would grow to be.

Bobby Fischer, once an American Hero turned into a bitter, angry, resentful person. Quite possibly the greatest chess player the world has ever seen died a disgrace. We can all learn from the life of Bobby Fischer. Here was a man breaming with potential who let his talents, waste away and the pain of his past dictate the bitterness of his life. I seem to remember another story about wasted talents:

There was a business man who had three workers. Before leaving on a trip he called them all into his office. To one man he gave five talents. To the second man he gave two talents. To the third man he gave one talent. He then left on his trip. Both the man with the five talents and the man with the two talents invested them and doubled their investments but the man with the one talent went put it away, locking it in his desk drawer. When the businessman returned he asked each man about their talents. The first two men showed him their profits. The business man was so please with his workers that he said, "You were both faithful with the little I gave you, because of that you will both get a raise and a promotion." He then asked the man with the one talent of his progress. The man reproduced his talent from his desk. The man said, "I was afraid that I would lose it so I just put it away and didn't think about it." The business man responded by saying, "You wicked lazy man even if you had put the talent in the bank you would have gained interest." He then took away the talent and gave it to the man with ten. The business man decided that for every one of his workers that had risked and profited more would be give but for those who wasted what they had been given, everything would be taken away and the man fired. (Paraphrase of Matthew 25:14-30).

Bobby Fischer was like the man with the one talent. Fischer had the title of World Champion and because he hid away with his talent his title was taken away from him. He held onto his bitterness and could not learn to forgive. When instructing us how to pray Jesus says that we should forgive others because we ourselves have been forgiven. These are the two principles in life that Bobby Fischer failed to understand and as a result he is not remembered as the greatest chess player to ever live but instead a sad, angry, waste of talent. Don't be like Bobby Fischer.

Divorce Game

Tuesday morning I woke up early at my future in-law's house, kissed my wonderful fiancee goodbye, and began my drive back to Abilene. One thing I always have enjoyed while driving in the morning are radio morning shows. Most days, I am not in my car long enough to hear them, but Tuesday driving away from Magnolia I found the time. When I do get the chance, I listen to my favorite show, Kidd Kraddick in the Morning. After going through the dial several times it seemed that I was not in an area that would pick up Kidd, Big Al Mack, Kelly Raspberry, and their crazy antics. Instead I settled for the Roula and Ryan Show on 104.1 KRBE, a Houston favorite.

After listening to the show for an hour the DJs began a new segment called "Divorce Game." The idea behind the game comes from the 2000 census claiming that in 3.2 million married relationships the husbands and wives live in different locations, due to jobs, school, children, or separation. The DJs interested in this information developed the theory that there are people living in America who are married and no longer love their spouse but cannot afford to pay for a divorce. They are not angry with each other they are simply no longer in love. In reaction to their theory the "game" was developed. Roula and Ryan were looking for couples who fit in the category and on Thursday morning (Valentines Day) they would put these couples on the radio and choose three and pay for each couple's divorce.

After hearing the segment I was shocked. Marriage in our culture has become a phase that simply passes, instead of a lifetime commitment. When our culture becomes more enamored with the relationships of celebrities, than their own relationships, there should be a cultural red flag waving in our faces. And when we read magazines like, US, Star, and OK not to see if someone gets divorced but to see when, we have pigeonholed the relationships of our society. We are forcing our culture into a divorce mentality. An institution that was once thought of as the greatest commitment one could make, recognized by both the church and the government as and iron clad contract, has slowly slipped loose from its binds and with it has brought down the meaning and purpose of commitment itself.

**Before I continue I would like to make the statement that in no way do I condone anyone remaining in a continually abusive relationship. If a spouse is abusive physically, verbally, emotionally, or in any other way and is not repentant and has no desire to be repentant they have already quit and given up on their relationship. For the non-abusive spouse to remain in the relationship is unhealthy and borderline sinful.**

In 30 days I will get married. When I informed my father that I had met the woman of my dreams and that I wanted to marry her, before he would give me his blessing he gave me assignment, "Joel, I want you to find out why people get divorced." My study on the subject produced a list of eight reasons people claim as the reason that they file for divorce:

1. Money - The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.
2. Alcohol - There is a popular sign that reads: Alcohol Destroys Internally, Externally, and Eternally.
3. Sexual problems - Improper attitudes about sex, and not physical causes, bring couples to the breaking point.
4. Immaturity - Married life is for adults, not for children.
5. Jealousy - One who demands exclusive devotion, and is intolerant of rivalry usually feels inadequate.
6. "Happily ever after" myth - It's based on the artificial and often unrealistic picture of love and life as depicted by many motion picture films.
7. In-Laws - "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they shall be one flesh."
8. Irresponsibility - When a young man is irresponsible and unwilling to work before marriage, the chances are extremely good that he'll continue the same pattern of behavior after marriage.
   

It took me a while to realize it but this list of eight reasons aren't reasons at all, they might be influences to why people divorce but they are not reasons. In my observation of church, culture, and media in light of divorce I believe that there is one reason why people divorce, they give up. Divorce seems to be the easy way out. Unless someone is in an abusive relationship (as mention before) divorce is not a solution. One of the things Ashley and I decided is that we would take the last full measure to save our marriage if something was going wrong. If that means counseling then we will go to counseling. If it means moving, changing jobs, or other self sacrificing methods we will put our marriage first. As a society we need to view our marriages as serious commitments as lifestyle changes not phases or a games.

Burned

The Leaf is a the favorite smoke shop of Abilene locals. It is an old-fashion smoke and coffee shop located downtown specializing in cigars and pipes. Frequently visited by college students and cigar aficionados it is a quiet place to grab a cup of coffee or a good cigar. The owner of The Leaf is a man named Bill. Today, while working on my disciple now material across the street at Monk's (a local coffee shop), fire trucks began pulling up to The Leaf, sirens blazing. Rushing outside to see what the commotion was. I caught up with Bill and inquired into what had happened. He said to me, "There is smoke coming out of the walk-in humidor and not the kind that we want to smell in there." The fire department inspected the situation and determined that the blower motor in the humidor had burned up. The blower was shut off, the fire trucks left, and The Leaf re-opened. But the incident made me think about Bill.

Bill is a very intriguing man and today isn't the first time that his work has burned him. Bill has a Bachelor of Science degree in Ministry as well as his Master of Divinity degree. Bill is a former pastor but now he owns a smoke shop. He had a bad experience at a church that he pastored and since has left the full-time ministry. Talk to him long enough and you will find out that Bill is bitter. He once saw me wearing a Logdson Seminary t-shirt and told me that seminary is where young men go to get their minds corrupted. Bill went through an experience that many pastors go through, he was burned by a church.

As someone who is aspiring to go into the pastorate having a bad experience at a church is something that is always at the back of my mind. I earnestly pray that God brings me to people who will love me. Currently, I love my job. I love the church that I work for. I love the people in that church. I don't want to be like Bill. I want to love the ministry. For those of you who are or are going to be ministers let me encourage you to burn proof your ministry and that starts with loving people. For those who are church attenders, fight for your pastors not against them. To many people who have surrendered to the call to ministry are surrendering their ministries. I feel bad for Bill but am inspired because of him, inspired to work hard for a lasting ministry, inspired to encourage others in their ministries, and inspired to help make myself and others burn proof.

Thank You!!

I am entering an incredible time in my life. Today is my (and by "my" I mean Ashley's) first wedding shower (first of three). Tomorrow we will load up the Yukon with shower gifts and presents and taken them to the house that will be our first home. Soon after arriving the gifts will be inventoried and then it begins...the "thank you" notes. Leslie Harold columnist for The Morning News wrote a column on the proper etiquette for writing a thank you note. In it she includes a six point guide to writing a thank you note, giving proper examples of each (**Disclaimer: example given is actual example for thank you note**).

1. Greet the giver: Dear Aunt Sally,
2. Express your gratitude: Thank you for the slippers.
3. Discuss use: It gets very chilly here in the winter, so they will get a lot of use when winter comes.
4. Mention the pass, allude to the future: It was great to see you at the birthday party, and I hope to see you at Dad's retirement in February.
   
5. Grace: Thanks again for the gift.
   
6. Regards: Love Leslie
   

I don't know about any of you but I always feel awkward when I get a thank you note and don't know what to do with it, so I have devised the six stages of receiving a thank you note:

1. Excite over receiving personal mail: "Wow!! mail that is not a bill or credit card application"
2. Realizing that the letter is a thank you note: "Oh! This must be a thank you note for the slippers I gave Leslie...re-gifting is so convenient."
3. Reading the thank you note: "Dear Aunt Sally...blah blah blah...thanks for the slippers...yadda yadda yadda...cold in winter...yeah yeah...Dad's retirement...Love Leslie!"
4. Throw card on pile of papers on corner of desk: "On the pile it goes."
   
5. Feel awkward about card as if it would be wrong to throw it way: "Maybe I will frame it or put it on display for when she comes to visit."
6. Months/Years later throw card away: "I really shouldn't let my desk get this junky."
   

So I say that we scrap the whole thing. Lets just stop, stop writing thank you notes. No one likes writing them so I say we get rid of them. I honestly urge you all to think seriously about the enjoyment factor of writing thank you notes. So the question I have is, "Why?" For any of you out there who have the proper answer of, "To show your gratitude," let me offer you this little tid-bit of knowledge, the people who are the recipients of your thank you notes...they don't want to write thank you notes either. So we are stuck in a paradox of, hating writing thank you notes to people who hate to write thank you notes. Don't get me wrong I think it is very important to show authentic sincere gratitude but I think that we should pick a new way of doing it. Perhaps a secret handshake, or a mention in a prayer, or even better than that...help abolish thank you note writing so they will never have to write one again.

Pecans

Yesterday after work I needed to go to the grocery store to pick up a few items in the continual uphill battle to keep my kitchen stocked. The store, being just a few blocks from where I live, offered a short drive, mostly through residential neighborhoods. As I turned onto my street my eyes quickly scanned in the direction of my house. When my eyes locked in on the location I was shocked to see a man bent over in my yard shoveling pecans into his bucket at rapid pace. I was so shocked that I drove right by my house. Turning around in a near by drive-way I began going through exactly what I would say to the pecan snatcher when I spoke to him. "Hey! What do you think your doing!" or maybe "Those aren't your pecans! Dump them out!" But instead of those a different thought came to heart and mind.

I drove into the drive-way of my house and as I passed the man looked up with terror in his eyes, and I could see that he was thinking about running. I stepped out of my car and he came towards me looking very frightened and apologetic. He was an elderly Hispanic man who looked as if he had spent a few to many years doing manual labor. Looking at me with his head bowed low he said, "I sorry, I sorry." I smiled. Then after reassuring him that I wasn't angry showed him that some of the pecans in the yard had worms in them and to avoid them because they were no good. I then retrieved my pecan picker tool that would allow a person to pick up the pecans without bending over, showed him how it worked, and handed him the tool. He smiled, "Gracious!"

Retrieving my groceries from the car I walked inside and set them down. Feeling unsatisfied with the level of aid I had given the man I decided to cook him a cheese burger on my George Foreman. Before putting up my groceries I quickly pulled a patty out of the fridge threw a little seasoning on it and placed on the lean mean fat reducing grilling machine. A few minutes latter I walked outside handed the man the hot sandwich, and a bottled drink. He smiled, half in enthusiasm, half in shock as he took the food and drink from my hands.

It is times like these in life when I feel the effectiveness of my call. Jesus himself said the greatest commandment is to, "Love the Lord your God with our your heart, soul, and mind...and the second is like it, Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39) Love God and love people. I think Jesus was on to something.