...Anywhere You Can Get It

“Life is made up of little things, in which smiles, and kindnesses, and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort”
--Humphrey Davy

When strength and joy seems to be fading you must take hope from anywhere you can get it. When the path we tread becomes overwhelmed with shades of gray it is important to hold on to the things that will get you through each day. For me, today, it is a book, and one that does not belong to me. Several weeks ago I was traveling through Lubbock on my way to a retreat with another youth pastor. The previous week I had lent my favorite Bible away to a student who didn't have access to another at the time. Stopping in Lubbock, to see my parents, I asked my mother if I could borrow one of her Bibles that was the same translation (NASB), she lent me one of her old ones. The retreat was great but when I stopped in Lubbock on my way home I forgot to return the Bible to the bookshelf I had borrowed it from. When I returned home it was with me.

In Tyler I was still without the version of the Bible I like to study and teach from so I continued to use hers. I got the my lent Bible back two weeks ago but I have continued to use my Mother's. As I have entered a time that is proving to be very difficult for me I find comfort in the thin, worn, hand-written-note filled book. Today it is my source for spiritual nourishment, my connection to hope, and the knowledge that I am loved. Thanks Mom...love you the mostest.

"The Man" Has Won!

As I have previously discusses in other post, I am not a fan of corporate America. I don't know If it is my generation's obsession with Indy films, organic foods, and corner coffee houses or my secret ambitions to be an 80's rock star, but I have previously made a committment to myself to never let "The Man" get to me. But as all heroes, zealots, and stubornly cynical people do, I too have a weakness...delicious blended coffee drinks from Starbucks.

Starbucks has become a treat for my wife and I to share with each other when we feel a blended coffee drink is deserved (several times weekly). Tonight after church was such a deserving occasion but tonight we added another item to our purchase...the Starbucks Gold Card.

The card offers a 10% discount on any purchase from a Statbucks store. So now, instead of sticking it to "The Man," I have sold out for 10% off. Sometimes I disgust myself. I think since I have worked so hard disgusting myself I deserve a blended coffee drink.

A Christmas of Firsts

Today has been a Christmas of firsts. I am twenty two years old and in twenty two years this is the first that I have not been with my immediate family. While they spent the day in Little Elm (near Dallas) I spent the day in Magnolia (near Houston). While this was my first Christmas away from the only family I have known on Christmas it was also the first Christmas I spent with my new family, In-laws, nieces, and nephews. Here in Magnolia we enjoyed a wonderful Christmas with good food, and great company.

In Little Elm this has been the first Christmas my parents have truly had an empty nest. Both Cassie and I are now married. There were no stockings to stuff, they even decided not to do stockings for each other. This is Cassie's first Christmas with her husband Curtis as part of our family. Maybe the most exciting for them, this is my parent's first Christmas as grandparents. Laura Kate Wiley enjoyed her first Christmas with many gifts (and more to come tomorrow from Uncle Joel and Aunt Ashley).

Being married for nine months this is the first Christmas I have had the opportunity to spend with my new wife. When she asked if I was sad I wasn't spending Christmas with my family I told her that there was no one else I would rather spend my Christmas with than her. This year I gave her a Christmas ornament that is currently hanging on the front of our tree in Tyler. It has an engraving on it that reads, "Our first of many." This Christmas was a Christmas of first and I look forward to the many more that are to come with my ever growing family.

Were I to Judge Naughty From Nice

It is probably a good thing that I am not Santa Claus. I think that he must be a pretty lenient guy. There were definitely some kids that I knew growing up who should have been on the naughty list yet they would still return to school bragging about what Santa had brought them. In the spirit of Christmas Eve I decided to make my own list concerning who does and does not get presents. Were I to judge naughty from nice:

Naughty List

1. Stupid drivers
2. The people who designed the streets of Tyler Texas
3. Obsessive holiday shoppers
4. People who get in their car to leave but sit in the space while someone is waiting on them to park (often this is women checking their makeup)
5. Holier-than-thou Christians
6. Christians who "hate" anyone (this is a direct reference to #5)
7. People in the service industry who hate their job and let you know it
8. Teenagers who think they know everything (This includes most teenagers and while I still love them, they would receive no presents)
9. People who text message me who nothing to say
10. People who don't like dogs
11. Cats
12. News Channel Analysts
13. Ignorant people

Nice List

1. People who help you move in
2. People who volunteer (preferably in my youth group)
3. People who wait until Christmas Eve to do their shopping
4. People who give you "good deals"
5. People who work on their own cars
6. Parents who care about what their kids are doing
7. Teenagers who can admit when they were wrong
8. Those who listen to you even when they think you are wrong
9. Random gift givers
10. People who agree with me
11. Cute little kids
12. Mark Zuckerberg
13. My wife

Ms. Dennis

This past week while spending time with my wife's family, my father-in-law and I spent quite a bit of time at Healthsouth of North Houston. Healthsouth is the current resident of my mother-in-law's mother, Wanda Dennis (Ashley's grandmother). Ms. Dennis suffers from Alzheimer's. Her neurological disease in addition to the surgery and stroke she's gone through over the past two months have left her body and mind under an incredible amount of stress. The result of the stress has lead to an increasing loss of her short term memory. While her doctors are hopeful that she may be able to regain some of the memories lost due to her stress level, she remains in the rehabilitation hospital for the time being. The purpose for my father-in-law and I's visits were to receive and apply mobility training in order for Ms. Dennis to leave the hospital for Thanksgiving day. After getting her to and in the car on Thanksgiving my father-in-law went back inside the facility to make sure we had everything we need for her day away. She and I sat in the car waiting.

November 27th 2008 1:55 pm - Thanksgiving Day
Ms. Dennis - Now what is your relation to me?
Me - I am Ashley's husband.
Ms. Dennis - That's right, I went to your wedding.
Me - Thats right.
Ms. Dennis - It was a beautiful wedding. Why am I here?
Me - You had a stroke Ms. Dennis. You are here to get better, but me and Julian are taking you out for the day. It's Thanksgiving.
Ms. Dennis - I had a stroke? Thats right. How long ago was that?
Me - It has been about a month now.
Ms. Dennis - It has? (pause) Where is my husband? (My heart sinks and I begin to feel a knot in the back of my throat.) He's dead, isn't he?



September 18th 2005 1:15 pm - The day after Ashley and I started dating. I am in Lubbock visiting my family for the day.

(My cell phone rings.)
Me - (seeing it is Ashley) Hello?
Ashley - (sounding sad) Hi.
Me - What's wrong?
Ashley - My parents just called. (pause) My Grandfather just died.
Me - Ashley I am so sorry. I will head back to Abilene now.
Ashley - No. Enjoy your time with your family, I will see you tonight.
(I hurry through lunch and leave early anyway.)



March 15th 2008 6:45 pm - Waiting to escort my mom down the isle at mine and Ashley's wedding.

(I turn to see Ms. Dennis sitting in the back of the church foyer with her son Mike. They are waiting for their turn to walk down the isle.)
Ms. Dennis - Joel, we sure are happy to have you as part of the family.
Me - Thank you. (I bend down to hug her).
Ms. Dennis - You are a lucky man. Ashley is a wonderful girl. You will make her happy.
Mike - It's time to go mom.
Ms. Dennis - Welcome to the family.



November 27th 2008 1:56 pm - Thanksgiving Day

Ms. Dennis - He's dead, isn't he?
Me - Yes ma'am
Ms. Dennis - How did he die?
Me - I am not sure.
Ms. Dennis - How long ago was it?
Me - (remembering the phone call) A little over three years.
Ms. Dennis - I miss him.
Me - From what I have been told he was a great man.
Ms. Dennis - Oh. He was. (pause) Now what is your relation to me?
Me - I am Ashley's husband.
Ms. Dennis - Oh that's right. I went to your wedding. It was beautiful.


Ms. Dennis was right, even if she didn't know the full meaning of her words to me on my wedding day. I am very lucky man. Ashley is a wonderful girl, but more than that she also has a wonderful family. A family I am proud to now be a part of. I spent a good portion of my day, on Thanksgiving, sitting and talking with Ms. Dennis, trying to help in what ever way I could. I don't know if she even knows that I helped. I guarantee she doesn't know how much she has helped and encouraged me. In my life I strive, and will continue to strive to be a good man, a man that my wife will be able to say was a great man. A man worthy of my bride and the wonderful family I am now a part of.

Coffee House Confessions: Thanksgiving Holiday

Today I celebrate my first Thanksgiving without my immediate family. Marrying into a wonderful family my wife and I chose to spend our first Thanksgiving together at her parents home. Tuesday afternoon we loaded up the car and made the three and half hour drive from Tyler to Magnolia. Our first night in town we began looking for a valid form of entertainment for the entire family. Our journey led us to Wal-Mart in search of a fun board game for the whole family. We quickly picked up the game Yahtzee and on our way home stopped by Starbucks.

Before I met the Hawthorne family the only other time I had ever played Yahtzee was years before with my Grandmother and sisters in Mobile AL. The game consists of each player taking turns rolling five dice in search of different number combination. As we sat around the table playing the classic dice game and sipping our lattes I was reminded more and more of home. Some of the greatest times I have had with my family, new and old, have been while sitting at the kitchen table playing a game. Close to midnight with our Starbucks cups empty and in the trash and our Yahtzee cards half full, I was in the lead but to tired to play any more. We went to bed sore from laughter and ready to enjoy our more of our holiday together the next day.

Drink of Choice: Cinnamon Dolce Latte