Purpose

The Purple Hippoptamus

The Second Best Part of My Day

The second best part of my day usually takes place sometime between 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm. During that time I am usually sitting in my car driving north on TX 83/84 and listening to ESPN Radio. It is not the drive or the radio programming that I find so enjoyable. It is not the feeling of finally getting off of work, after what often is a long day, that makes my drive such a high point. What makes the brief time in my car such a daily pleasure is a thought. It is the thought of a sleeping little boy that will soon wake up and see me walk into his room. It is the thought of a quick kiss from my wife as she welcomes me home from work. It is the thought of jumping, rolling over, and practicing sitting up or crawling. It is the thought of laughing with the two people I love most in the world. The second best part of my day is filled with the anticipation that the best part of my day is only minutes away.

It's Been a While...

I will be honest with you all…I don’t write much. While you are all picking your collective jaws up off the collective floor (hmm wonder how that works) the only proof you will need is to look at the number of posts I have had over the last six months (spoiler alert…it’s one). I promise that my intentions have been to post early and often and to vote at least once a week…or something like that. However, I am confident that all of the things I didn’t write would have been so phenomenal that it would leave you all weeping and undoubtedly lead to my reception of a publishing contract with Random House. The President would then call and have no choice but to appoint me national Blog Laureate. Fame and fortune would follow and Outside the New York City Public Library they would erect a bronze statue of me sitting in a wingback chair wearing a smoking jacket and stylish glasses, with one eyebrow raised in thought. But here is the bad news…someone forgot to inform my free time that working two jobs, attempting to get a Master’s degree, and raising a baby left just enough space for my daily ritual of wiping spit-up off of my face (ahh me time). While I may have missed my window of fame and fortune (for now) I have discovered something better…being the coolest dad in the entire universe! Sorry all other dads…you lose.

Okay…I may not be the coolest dad in the entire universe (although I would contend I have to be somewhere in the top ten) but being a dad is one of the greatest things anyone could experience (it’s right up there with being the King of Monaco, guessing the ending of the Sixth Sense, and peeing off the top of Mt. Everest). The first three months of my sons life, fatherhood consisted of me holding him two inches from my face and making absurdly stupid noises while he looked at me with a scowl that said, “My gosh this idiot is suppose to raise me? I think I’m going to pee on him next time he takes off my diaper.” Then an amazing thing happened, Jackson started smiling which lead to me making even more absurdly stupid noises in an attempt to get him to smile more. Our latest antic is that I will pretend to eat his face and he smiles and laughs uncontrollably…yes you read that right…I pretend to eat my son’s face. It is never too early to prepare your child for the zombie apocalypse (though if a real zombie were to show up I hope Jack wouldn’t try to laugh him away…machetes work so much better).

I’m not sure what the interview process is for a NASCAR pit crew member but if any crew chief saw me change a diaper they would offer me a job as the tire man. I can change Jack’s diaper in less than eleven seconds (if it’s a twosie it obviously takes a bit longer to clean up the oil slick). This is a skill that has been mastered over six months. When we first brought him home I would carefully change each diaper fearful that anything more intense than a white fluffy cloud or tears from a baby bunny rabbit would seriously injure my fragile infant…things changed. The first time I got peed on I did not handle it well (nor were clouds or bunny tears applied). While holding up Jack’s legs to gently wipe his posterior of any remaining concentrated evil, an arch of liquid began streaming towards my face. With agile ninja reflexes I used both hands to guard my face as I jumped away from the changing table. I soon realized that one of those hands had been holding half of my son in the air. When Jackson dropped to the mat of his changing table the pee that was previously aimed at me ended up all over him. Crying and a bath ensued.

If I were to create a list of things that come naturally to me fatherhood would be number three, right behind my ability to randomly burst into songs from musical theater and the skill of not doing cartwheels (seriously no one doesn’t do a cartwheel like me). Okay so maybe there was a bit of a learning curve (it s a good thing children don’t remember the first year of their lives) but overall I rate my first six months as a parent as successful. In order to understand the success or fail rate of a parent over a period of time I refer anyone to the following survey:

click on image to enlarge

My father use to tell my sisters and I that when we had children the word “gross” would disappears from our vocabulary. Seven months ago if I had poop on my hand it would be the most disgusting thing in the world (the reasons poop would be on my hand are not important for this story but strangely scenes from Operation Dumbo Drop and Jurassic Park come to mind). If I get poop on my hand now, I just wipe it off on the closest disposable baby sanitation product and move on. One of my favorite things to do with Jackson is to raise him up over my head. He looks down at me and smiles and I make the before mentions absurdly stupid noises. My wife has continually warned me not to do this after he eats because he is going to spit up on me. I always inform my wife that he has never spit up on me before and that I am always right. While in every other instance in my marriage I have always been right about everything, two days ago something happened and planets aligned with an ending Mayan calendar and Tom Curise’s space ship…spit up…all over my face (I did manage to close my mouth in time on to eat and throw up what my son had just eaten and thrown up). By the way my wife doesn’t know this yet so lets all collectively agree not to tell her.

I hope you enjoyed my post…who am I kidding of course you did…and when you finish wiping the tears from your eyes, rereading this post, and wiping the tears away from your eyes again…feel free to forward this to Random House. Jackson’s birthday is coming up in a little less than six moths so maybe by then I will have another post but in all honesty these days there is something much more fun than writing a blog, and I have to go because the much more fun thing is starting to wake up.

Fatherhood Tutelage

On Monday I went to the dentist. If you know me you know that I don't really like going to the dentist (hence the reason this is my first visit in six years). While in the waiting room I pick up a copy of Parenting Magazine. The magazine was filled with many articles and suggestions for parents. Even though not much of the magazine applied to my current parenting situation I found myself contemplating a subscription, not because I think I am a bad parent, or that a magazine could help solve any parenting problem I could face as the dad of a 7 day old, but because my son deserves someone who is great at parenting.

I will be the first to admit to you that I am not entirely sure that I have this whole parenting thing worked out yet. So far I am just trying to do what seems natural and somehow that has consisted of holding him like a football while running in (slowly walking) for a touchdown and doing figure eight basketball moves with him as the basketball. I want to be a fun dad who is never to busy, old, or disinterested to play with my kids. And while I have been given more parenting advice in the past nine months than a lifetime subscription to Parenting Magazine could ever deliver, I am still bound to make mistakes.

My son has peed on me four times (today) and I have to admit that the most recent time I wasn't expecting it. I freaked out a little bit, dropped his legs, and backed away leaving my child more than an arms length away by himself on the changing table. My actions also resulted in pee hitting his face, my arm, the changing pad, his onesie, and part of the wall. This was obviously not my finest moment of parenthood. While I wiped off all of the before mentioned urine targets and comforted my crying child I checked over my shoulder to make sure my wife didn't see my parenting blunder. While I can chalk my pee stained adventure up to experience and make sure I am no longer outwiping my coverage, my most important parenting role came after the pee was cleaned up. I picked up my crying child, held him close, told him I loved him, and rocked him until he stopped crying. I know that there is volumes of parenting information I still have to learn. I am not entirely sure the proper procedure for burping yet, but as long as I can pick him up, hold him close, and do my best to comfort my son, I can learn the rest.




If you have a second and want to read a good dad blog check out Shawn Bean's blog Pop Culture. Sean is an executive editor for Parenting Magazine.

Jackson's Birth

1:00 AM Just as I was about to fall asleep while watching TV my phone rings,

(sigh) "I guess you better come up to the hospital."

"What?! Why?!"

"I think my water broke."

I have spent the last nine months of my life preparing for this moment and all I can remember is that there is suppose to be something that I am remembering.

1:03 AM I fly down the road towards Hendrick Medical Center

1:10 AM While my Ashley explains why it took her two hours to even question the seriousness of her water breaking I pace around a labor and delivery room on the 4th floor of the Hospital thinking of all the things that I still need to do before he is born. Number one on my list call my parents, number two call Geoffrey, number three run home to vacuum the house.

2:07 AM The nurse explains to Ashley that her water has indeed broken and that we will be having a baby. I am not freaking out at this point just very anxious. I have been waiting to be a father for as long as I can remember and today it was going to happen.

2:15 AM I call my parents (and sisters) to let them know there newest Grandchild (nephew) will be arriving soon. Mom and Dad make plans to sleep for a few more hours before getting up and driving to Abilene. My mother would continue to text me throughout the night because she could not contain her excitement.

2:18 AM I call Geoffrey, who is leaving at in less than three hours for Albania. He has been pressuring me to have the baby (like it was up to me) before he left for the country. At one point he was considering not going on the trip because of Jackson's likely due date.

2:19 AM I call Geoffrey again, this time he answers,

"What?!"

"I Just wanted to let you know that we are having a baby today."

"Seriously?....(calculating the time and figuring out he would still miss Jackson's birth) Dang it! I knew this was gonna happen!"

2:40 AM I quickly run home to vacuum house, pick up the rest of the things my wife told me to pick up in anticipation of company, and grab her pillow, my camera, and a change of clothes for myself. At this point I started to remember to get all of those things I forgot to get the first time.

3:55 AM Geoffrey arrives at the hospital to see us before he leaves the country. It's nice that even though my best friend would miss seeing Jack, he was still able to stop by and see us to share the joy of the experience with us.

4:18 AM I walk my best friend out of the hospital, hug him, tell him that I will be praying for him before turning to head back into the hospital.

6:0o AM The nurse pushes the pitocin and Ashley begins to have contractions. At the same time my parents are waking up and leaving Lubbock.

6:14 AM Ashley begins having contractions and I rack my brain trying to remember the breathing techniques we learned in birthing class. It doesn't take long for my wife to wave me away.

6:33 AM Kim our nurse gives Ashley medication to help her pain. The medicine makes her nauseous but she is able to sleep a little in between contractions. I settle into the chair next to her bed where I can hold her hand but get a little rest myself.

7:00 AM Ashley is 3cm dilated and 90% effaced and we are told that Dr. Kroeger will be the one delivering our son.

8:00 AM Dr. Kroeger visits Ashley and has a shocked expression on his because in an hour she has progressed to 8 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I ask to make sure there is enough time for Ashley to get an epidural.

"If the anesthesiologist can get up here quick."

8:04 AM Dr. Hawkins, the anesthesiologist, comes in the room and quickly applies the medicine to ease Ashley's pain. The relief that I had knowing that she would not have to deliver without medication helped calm my nerves a little. I thank the doctor and he is out of the room as fast as he came in.

8:05 AM Ashley falls asleep

8:57 AM I ask our new nurse Brenda how long she thought it would be before Jackson is born.

"Less than an hour."

As I send mass texts out to friends and family letting them know that Jack will be here soon my nerves soar.

9:16 AM A tech comes into the room and begins flipping cabinets, rolling carts, turning things over and our quaint comfortable labor suit turns in the the optimums prime of delivery rooms. I explore the new things on display (while make sure not to touch anything that is sterile).

9:50 AM Our nurse Barbra informs us that it is time to begin push. At this moment I say a quick prayer of thanks that she has progressed quickly and ask for protection for my wife and child.

10:06 AM Dr. Kroeger comes into the room

10:15 AM I hear the cries of my son for the first time and cannot help but let my own eyes well with tears. I make sure to tell my wife again how proud of her I am and what a wonderful job I think she has done.

10:16 AM I cut my son's umbilical cord and watch as he is cleaned measured and weighed. 7 pounds six ounces, 20 inches long.

10:22 AM I get to hold my son for the first time, but only for a moment as I pass him to his mother.