Tuesday morning I woke up early at my future in-law's house, kissed my wonderful fiancee goodbye, and began my drive back to Abilene. One thing I always have enjoyed while driving in the morning are radio morning shows. Most days, I am not in my car long enough to hear them, but Tuesday driving away from Magnolia I found the time. When I do get the chance, I listen to my favorite show, Kidd Kraddick in the Morning. After going through the dial several times it seemed that I was not in an area that would pick up Kidd, Big Al Mack, Kelly Raspberry, and their crazy antics. Instead I settled for the Roula and Ryan Show on 104.1 KRBE, a Houston favorite.After listening to the show for an hour the DJs began a new segment called "Divorce Game." The idea behind the game comes from the 2000 census claiming that in 3.2 million married relationships the husbands and wives live in different locations, due to jobs, school, children, or separation. The DJs interested in this information developed the theory that there are people living in America who are married and no longer love their spouse but cannot afford to pay for a divorce. They are not angry with each other they are simply no longer in love. In reaction to their theory the "game" was developed. Roula and Ryan were looking for couples who fit in the category and on Thursday morning (Valentines Day) they would put these couples on the radio and choose three and pay for each couple's divorce.
After hearing the segment I was shocked. Marriage in our culture has become a phase that simply passes, instead of a lifetime commitment. When our culture becomes more enamored with the relationships of celebrities, than their own relationships, there should be a cultural red flag waving in our faces. And when we read magazines like, US, Star, and OK not to see if someone gets divorced but to see when, we have pigeonholed the relationships of our society. We are forcing our culture into a divorce mentality. An institution that was once thought of as the greatest commitment one could make, recognized by both the church and the government as and iron clad contract, has slowly slipped loose from its binds and with it has brought down the meaning and purpose of commitment itself.
**Before I continue I would like to make the statement that in no way do I condone anyone remaining in a continually abusive relationship. If a spouse is abusive physically, verbally, emotionally, or in any other way and is not repentant and has no desire to be repentant they have already quit and given up on their relationship. For the non-abusive spouse to remain in the relationship is unhealthy and borderline sinful.**
In 30 days I will get married. When I informed my father that I had met the woman of my dreams and that I wanted to marry her, before he would give me his blessing he gave me assignment, "Joel, I want you to find out why people get divorced." My study on the subject produced a list of eight reasons people claim as the reason that they file for divorce:
- Money - The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.
- Alcohol - There is a popular sign that reads: Alcohol Destroys Internally, Externally, and Eternally.
- Sexual problems - Improper attitudes about sex, and not physical causes, bring couples to the breaking point.
- Immaturity - Married life is for adults, not for children.
- Jealousy - One who demands exclusive devotion, and is intolerant of rivalry usually feels inadequate.
- "Happily ever after" myth - It's based on the artificial and often unrealistic picture of love and life as depicted by many motion picture films.
- In-Laws - "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they shall be one flesh."
- Irresponsibility - When a young man is irresponsible and unwilling to work before marriage, the chances are extremely good that he'll continue the same pattern of behavior after marriage.
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2 comments:
Great insight RE: giving up. You're absolutely right.
I agree, to an extent. It's kind of like the reason for a person's death can always be stated as "cardiac arrest." Well, yeah. When you die, your heart stops.
I would add, however, that sometimes, just sometimes (and way less often than we see), it's okay to "give up". Sometimes you have to know when to say you have been defeated or maybe made a mistake in the first place. I think people who get divorced already feel like failure for not being able to sustain a marriage, but sometimes you have to just know when you can't make something a success. I must confess that I am not married, and have never been married, only because I cannot be sure that I will be able to keep the promise I make at the alter - the forever part. And i try not to make promises unless I know when I make them that I can see them through. Having said that, I admire people with enough optimism and hope and faith in themselves to take the plunge. They shouldn't necessarily be stigmatized if they did indeed give it all they had and it just didn't work in the end. (not saying that stigmatization was what the original poster intended.)
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