September to September

Season change. And so with the seasons humankind itself changes. The person I am today is not the same person I was yesterday. I have grown, experienced life for that much longer. The person I am today is not the same person I was one year ago. When honesty can be depicted through the blur of the speed of life, after the passing of one year I have a little less hope. Not that I am void of all hope, or that I am hopeless, quite the opposite. I am hopeful and to some degree excited about who I will be after tomorrow, but if one were to measure hope in a test tube or on a scale the amount I have today would simply equal a lesser amount than it did one year ago. My current state, while leaving me somewhat wanting in levels of measurable hope, is one that has had one year of changing days.

In the last year I have learned more about who I am, who I am as a son, who I am as a husband, who I am as a person. I am me. And I will try my best to continue to be who I am. While such a statement might sound whimsical to some and postmodern to others, further analysis will show that further analysis is a waste of your time. If you truly want to know who I am then you will have to be with me. As a husband isn’t it my wife that knows me the best? Is it not also my wife who spends everyday living life with me? It is the person who spends each day of change and growth with me that knows me the best. If you want to know who I am, know me today.

Through the last year I have made the discovery not only of who I am but also who I want to be (a large part of the previously mentioned discovery is rooted in the equally epiphanizing discovery of who I do not want to be). The most sobering and challenging factors of discovering who I want to be are, knowing that said person is not me and finding the path that leads to what I want. The potential is on the cusp of tomorrow, but tomorrow itself provides twenty-four hours of change resulting in a twenty-four hour different person than me. I know so many of those twenty-four hours of the past year have brought with them the changes, some good others bad. The usefulness in change, as pertaining to a person, is the gained knowledge of desired direction. I know who I was, I know who I am, I know who I want to be. The true challenge in knowing who you want to be is manipulating change in such a way that it lends the desired results, even if it means willing or pushing yourself through the change to get to such results. It is only with a determination to manipulate life into what it has to be in order to make you who you want to be that will change you in the desired direction.

While in the chronicles of my own life, I will most assuredly not classify the past year as a great one, I will give credit to its positive efforts in shaping who I am. While a year past, I might own a little less hope than the previous, but perhaps the greatest hope is the hope of who I will be after tomorrow.


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