The Kirby

It had been a long day. It was a Sunday and I had spent my entire day at the church. Between preaching twice, teaching Sunday School, and dealing with difficult church members I was ready to go home, pop in a movie, sit on the couch, and just relax. The doorbell rang. A young African-American woman stood at my door with a big smile. "Have you received your free gift yet," her question intrigued me. I love gifts, giving and receiving them, Dr. Gary Chapman would tell you it is one of my love languages. "No," I cautiously replied. "Well, I am from the Kirby company..." As she trailed off about offering me a free gift from the Kirby Company I had a horrific flashback to my childhood, sitting on a couch in Lawrenceville Georgia for two hours, while my mother had the Kirby salesman vacuum our entire house. "...so it is just a real quick presentation it wont take long at all. I will go and get George." As she retreated in the direction of the neighborhood she had come from the thought occurred to me, "OH NO!"
If you don't know about Kirby vacuums let me enlighten you. The only way to purchase a new Kirby model is to do so from a sales person who comes to your home. They present the product and let is "speak for itself." They have sold vacuums the same way since 1914 when Jim Kirby designed the Ezee Vacuum Cleaner. The Avon of vacuum cleaners Kirby has become an icon representing long boring presentations of products you most likely can't afford, and certainly don't want.

As George entered my home, while my dinner got cold and my movie was paused. I convinced myself that I would be polite for ten minutes before I ask the young man to politely leave, this was at 8:30pm. If you have never dealt with the Kirby Company before let me warn you that they train their employees in the art of refusing to leave. For the nest two hours George, an African-American young man vacuumed my house. And when I say vacuumed my house I mean any possible surface you can think of because the Kirby Sentria can do it all.

My carpet was vacuumed, and shampooed. My kitchen floor was vacuumed. My couches were vacuumed. My mattress was vacuumed. My Television was vacuumed. My ceiling fan was vacuumed. My runner boards were vacuumed. My dry wall was vacuumed. The man even wanted to vacuum my cat (THAT IS NOT A JOKE). Those were just the attachments that he brought. There were additional optional attachments that act as a spray painter, sander, and dermal. They even have a back massage attachment, this is for all for a vacuum cleaner.

Two hours after the young my door bell the "closer" sat on my couch. With his handy chart he showed me the price of such a wonderful tool, $2150.00. This could easily be broken down into affordable payments over the next several months. As I kindly conveyed that they had about a snowflake's chance in hell of selling me a vacuum cleaner, I made a promise to myself, the next time the door bell rings IGNORE IT!!

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