Strength

I like the idea of being strong...i want to be strong. I want to be able to lift what i shouldn't be able to, to break what i shouldn't be able to and to some extent fight who i shouldn't be able to...I love the idea of strength. But at times it strikes fear deep inside me. I can be strong and lift and break whatever i want but against you i am weak. I am vulnerable, open for attack you can take my strength away...you, and you, and you, all of and any of you. I search for the strength to make everything right for everyone and when i cant do it, when anyone tells me that that i cant help them, (even if i can) they take my strength away because in turn they just told me i wasn't strong enough to help and it scares me to death. In our times of helplessness we have to look to the strength of others. I will cast all my cares up you. I will lay all of my burdens down at your feet. And anytime I don't know what to do. I will cast all my cares upon you.

My Thoughts: Can anyone (not counting people related to me) tell me who sang those last few lines?

Working

Today is a Tuesday and like all Tuesdays i am just chilling before i go to work. Except the exciting thing is that i now NO LONGER WORK AT COTTON PATCH (and the peasants rejoiced, "Yea") And i am now employed by Cracker Barrel Old Country Store. So here are my thoughts on working

Working

• Working is kinda like a vacuum it is a necessity to keep your house/life in order but sometimes it just really sucks
• My first job...Sacker at United Supermarkets
• My first job that i hated...Sacker at Unites Supermarkets
• Best job i ever had...Fannie Jo's...all i had to do was...sit there...and do nothing...and get paid for it.
• Worst job i can think of...the person responsible for the development of suppository medicine.
• Worst thing about working in restaurant...stupid and mean customers...SO DON'T BE ONE!!! WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING TO!!!
• Worst boss i ever had...my mom...she fired me
• Boss that i love the most...my mom...she still fired me

My Thoughts: Working...money doesn't grow on trees but checks are made from trees.

Warm Days in January

Times change and people with them. THEY ARE NOT WHO THEY USE TO BE!! We all change what determines who we are, are the influences of the people around us. You know it amazes me how at times I think that people fit perfectly together and they are both good people and then due to their influences on each other they change into people who you no longer know. I AM TIRED OF LOSING ALL MY FRIENDS TO CHANGE!!!! But the funny thing is that I see it in myself as well. But the changes in my life to me seem like they are positive ones. Right now I have a more positive view on life than ever before. Right now I have found Blue Eyes and I know I have changed because of her. I have changed for the better but I have the realization that I have to work harder at my other relationships to keep them. We see change as a bad thing maybe it is because we have all sacrificed one relationship or friendship for another that seems to be worth more. We view change as bad and try to stop it from happening but without change it would always be winter, without change it would always be raining, without change life would be a rut, without change there would be no tomorrow, without change their would be know you. So change will come and as seasons change, and the weather changes, as our routines change, and our days change so must we change. Change for one another or change from one another.

My Thoughts: Friends are the seasons of life, ever changing, coming and going. But who will be the warm day in January?

I'm Sorry

"I'm Sorry" You know I feel like I have been saying that allot lately.

"I'm sorry I am didn’t call you back, I'm sorry I'm late, I am sorry I don’t come home to visit more often, I am sorry I am a bad friend, I'm sorry I didn’t get my homework in on time, I am sorry if I made you feel that way, I am sorry If I am a bad boyfriend. God I am sorry I am not a better Christian. I'm Sorry!"

You know I don’t think that I truly realize the meaning of the word any more. It is so overused in my vocabulary that it is just a common no-brainer response, "I'm Sorry." Why do we even say, because we get busted doing something we really shouldn’t have done. What happens if you don’t get busted? What of the times that you are busted by your conscience. What it is supposed to me is that you recognize your faults and you will work hard to change them or to right the situation. But then sometimes sorry comes when there is nothing else that can be done and the feeling of remorse takes over. You know I think I have one thing figure about the definition. I recognize my faults. How can me not when I have so many of them staring me in the face. The reason I say it is because I get busted either by God, myself, or others but constantly my faults rise to the surface and I am face with the fact that I did something wrong and I am wrong because of it. But do I really make an effort to change. Sometimes I feel like I have been doing wrong for so long I don’t even know what right is. When I say it I want it to be from my heart, not from my innate response system.

My Thoughts: I cant promise that I will can make everything right or even mean this as honestly as I should but to those of you who apologies are in order I truly do apologize for my/our shortcomings and I truly am sorry for my/our mistakes.

Lists

Things i like about today:

1. Hanging out with friends

2. Watching the movie Young Guns

3. Not having to wake up before 8:00

4. Beautiful weather

5. CLEAN ROOM

Things i dont like about today

1. Having to go to work at 5:30

2. Being bored in English for an hour and a half

3. My smoothie had more banana than strawberry

4. Missing family dinner at "the House"

5. Ashley not taking medicine (jk...sorta)

Things that are going to make today even better

1. The joy of my Lord and Savior

2. Making money (even though it requires me to go to work)

3. Not knowing what exciting things can happen next

4. Building my relationships with my friends even stronger

5. Talking to my mommy on the phone later

My Thoughts: Good days come and good days go...but the love of a friend is better than dough (as in money)

Forget Logic

You know with school starting back and with the stuff going on in my life lately there has been a lot of stuff to think about. I have been using so much logic lately that i am almost forgetting what my heart is telling me. So today one of my friends said something that made me think about how many things i do because my heart tells me to. There are a few of my friends that i make fun of because they over analyze things (if this applies you know who you are ) but the truth is that i prob do it just as much. I think so much we get wrapped up in the things that are in our lives that we forget to use our heart to make judgments because we are afraid that what our heart is telling us isn't logical...so i was thinking today that i don't really want logic..i want to use my heart and feel passion for something even if it doesn't...especially if it doesn't seem logical. I want a passion and a vigor for life that not only confuses my logic but that defies it.

Things I am Passionate about:
-Christ
-Family
-Friends
-Ministry
-Respecting women

Things I want to have Passion for Someday
-Wife
-Son(s)
-Daughter(s)
-The people of a church i am pastoring

Things i need to work on
-ALL OF THE ABOVE

My Thoughts:Your heart can lead you to heart break or it can send you to the clouds...but one trip to the right clouds is enough to mend all the break...and in the clouds passion is born.

Hurricane Katrina

so my home town in Alabama (the city i was born in) Mobile got hit pritty hard by the Hurricane it isn't as bad as New Orleans the flooding isn't AS BAD but it is still pritty devastating to see the streets that look familiar to you flooded. It is crazy to see the dead bodies on the news just laying on the Interstate. I really kinda want to go and help and to jsut see what is going on but and see it for myself. To take a shot gun and go tell those suckas to put the TV's they are looting down and stuff. I also think that the people helping aren't getting enough credit. All you hear on the news is how the National Gard isn't there and how nobody is helping the people. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING 20+ HOURS A DAY TO BE UNAPPRECIATED. I think the people who are working hard are doing a good job. I also want to mention that these people were told to evacuate the city days in advance and THEY DIDN'T. I am not saying it isn't hard and that they aren't suffering but to blame the government for your tragic mistake isn't fair. Keep these people in your prayers and pray for the restoration of life.

My Thoughts: Keep these people in your prayers.

My Thoughts

My Thoughts: Bad days JUST STOP!!!!

The Value of a Person

Something i have really been thinking about latley is the value of
people. There are so many people that have been hurt and have not
just a low self esteem but a low saelf value and they dont think that
anyone elses thinks their valubale either. When a twelve year old
kids says that he wishes he were vapor and could jsut float away you
know there is hurt. So much we take the value of people for
granted and dont realize how amazing it is that with each friend we
have we get the amazing chance and opportuinity to be part or someone
life and that we are part of what makes their life individual and
unique. Think about the people that are your closest friends, in
many ways they help make you who you are. I am also tired of
hearing "Man that person means the world to me." WHAT AN INSULT!!
do you realize that when people who are in church communities and are
striving to grow closer to God refer to the the world is is usually a
negative thing. So if you are my friend you dont mean the world
to me you me more than that...you ment my savior's life.



My Thoughts: Your personlaity...thank you for enriching my life

Hardin Simmons Round Two

So tomorrow i head leave to move back to Abilene...I am so excited about moving back...I cant wait. That is all i really have to say today...sorry i don't have anything deep or creative to leave all of you with maybe when i am back at school i will feel like writing something more.

My Thoughts: Hardin Simmons...hail to the for famous are thy halls...

Backpacking Trip pt. 2

Backpacking Trip relocated to a Motel in Carlsbad due to bad weather...man sometimes life really sucks. If you want the whole story call the cell

My Thoughts: Bad weather...man that really messes things up

Backpacking Trip pt. 1

Well tomorrow morning Me, David Huss, and Matt Wester head to our final resting place....i mean are going backpacking. We are head out to SUPER WEST Texas to the Guadalupe mountains. It should be loads of fun.

My Thoughts: Backpacking with the dudes...you can come to our funerals

Knox City: Lessons Learned

10 1/2 hours until i leave Knox City. Leaving is a lot of a relief a little sadness but mostly just ready to get back to what is normal.

Things I've Learned in Knox City

*You have to hug old people in the church no matter how bad they smell

*When your are listening to Thousand Foot Krutch, or Pillar remember "That cant be Christian music because it is to loud."

*Churches built in the early 1900's can be very scary when you are in them by yourself late at night

*When you are the youngest person in a worship service by at least 30 years don't expect to hear Chris Tomlin coming over the CD player before church

*Hanging out consists of circling the entire town three or four times

*When you talk about an MP3 old people will tell you it is a good thing that you have started a retirement account so soon

*If you watch the 10:00 news you are staying up late

*Nothing will make you miss civilization more than a city of 1200 people

*There are more people in my Dorm building than live in this entire town

*If something goes wrong in the church you will be blamed because you are under the age of 30

My Thoughts: Small town have some of the greatest people and have alot of love...but i am ready for midnight runs to Wendy's again

Legally Blonde 2

So i just finished committed a horrible offense to all mankind, broken the man-code, and had the two most regrettable hours of my entire life. You must all be asking yourselves now, "Oh no!! What horrible offense has Joel just committed?" It is with great regret that i must inform you that i just watch, in its entirety, Legally Blonde 2. I am ashamed and am seeking professional help.

For anyone out there who is unaware of this pitiful excuse for a motion picture and the largest waste of time...ever let me explain my beef with the movie and why nothing like this could ever happen.

Let me first give you a quick plot summary: Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) has decided that she will fight for animal rights and lobbies against using animal tested cosmetics so she goes to Washington and attempts to get a Bill discharged with the 218 needed signatures from members of congress. Meanwhile she discovers her dog is homosexual.

Here is why this movie is the most ridiculous peace of cinematography i have ever seen

1. Sorority Girls

a. No one who wares as much make-up as the character Elle Woods could possibly be wearing no cosmetics that weren’t tested on animals I mean this is just absurd

2. The movie makes Washington look like a place where people deep down inside are nice and sweet

a. with politics and the way our elections, committees, and the passing of legislation are handled in Washington you would not find a bunch of politics who are just begging to get along

3. Mockery of the Congressional process

a. there are several scenes in the movie where public out bursts (in places our country considers very respectful) take place and due to them people change there minds about the issue in question (chemical testing on animal subjects)

i. e.g. – the cheer leading capitol building scene

ii. People in Washington (especially politicians) take the reverence and the demeanor of ones behavior very seriously and no such outbursts would dare be tolerated

4. Representative from Massachusetts

a. her entire staff quits on her because they support some drunkard blonde chick {who admitted in the first movie that she does drink alcohol on a regular basis (and yes unfortunately I saw the first movie to but that is a whole other Xanga post)} instead of a congresswoman that they have worked hard their entire careers just to be in the same room as.

5. Homosexual dogs

a. In one scene a conservative senator from Alabama admits (in a public outburst no less) that he is the owner of a homosexual dog. MAJOR PROBLEMS WITH THIS ONE

i. first senators are in office and their number one goal while in office is to stay in office…so…Alabama is a conservative state who doesn’t really support homosexuality…so…if a conservative senator from Alabama wanted to get re-elected he would not admit to having a gay dog and even more than that if it came out that he owned one he wouldn’t be proud of it AT ALL. HE IS FROM ALABAMA HE WOULD PROBABLY SHOOT IT!!!

ii. BUT we have another problem on this one. It is not natural to be homosexual. Nowhere in nature do you see homosexuality. It is a perversion of lust. Nothing (or no one for that matter) is born a homosexual (the only reasons humans struggle with it is the same reason we struggle with any other sins) so there is no way that a dog (who cannot really go against the instincts nature gave it) could be homosexual it is just not plausible

The movie was ridiculous and I feel like I have just wasted two hours of my life. If you know any professional consolers I am accepting recommendations.

My Thoughts Please...help control the idiot population...have this movie banned and burned!

Watching the Rain

I am sitting on my porch watching it rain and the cool thing about this rain is that while it is raining pretty hard it is definitely a very blue sky. I have decided it is a good reflection of my emotions right now.

When you see me, you see a smile. I can't forget that because that is what I am suppose to do, I'm suppose to smile. But if all you see is a smile then you don’t really see me. You can see me smile but when my tears are falling on your feet how do you miss the fact my beautiful smile is a cover for how I feel? My tears are of pain and of joy, they are of sorrows and of laughter, they are tears of hurt and tears of healing. It is raining and all you see is the blue sky in the distance but you refuse to look up look and see what is over you at the present, right now. When you look up you see clouds and they possess beautiful colors: reds, purples, oranges, but also they possess fear colors: grays, blues, and blacks. You see these tears are beautiful. SO WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT?? All you see are dark clouds and they scare you. But how can you enjoy playing in the rain if you are afraid of the dark clouds life puts over your head. How can you we enjoy friendship when are to afraid to go past the smiles and be a part of each other's lives. It’s raining! Won’t you come play?

My Thoughts: It’s raining...throw off your coats and umbrellas and drink in the beauty of life

Most Amazing Friends

ok so now i am absolutely sure of it that i have some of the most amazing friends in the world...

Friendship. We find that it is as necessary as air. We depend on it, lean on it, invest in it. It posses our trust just as we are the deposits in which receive the same trust. It is a beautiful thing that brings smiles to your eyes the same eyes that at times shed tears for it. But friendship is more than that, more than being described as “it.” For friendship is something that lives and it must be nurtured and fed. We have all been hurt by it and we have all yearned for it in our moments of loneliness. So what is t about friends that keeps us addicted to the pursuit of it? For me its the thing that make life better, the shoulder to cry on, the person to laugh with when you make a fool of yourself. It’s the people that drive for an hour and a half just to bring you fast food. It’s the people who care why your eyes are red from crying, the ones who know the worst things about you and still love you. Without my friends I am nothing. I take it for granted that I am truly blessed. I pray that I am as good of a friend to you as you have all been to me.

My Thoughts: If you read my xanga and still dont know my thoughts you are probably not very smart

TOP 10 Things to do on a rainy day

So as my summer job is kinda coming to an end i cant wait to get back to Abilene and Hardin Simmons. Man i just want to say that I love my friends, and Family, and good books, and movies, and sleeping...I THINK IT IS LIST TIME

TOP TEN Favorite things to do on a Rainy day

10. watch the weather channel

9. listen to Jazz music

8. build a fort out of the couch cushions

7. watch the streams of water fall down the window

6. play cards

5. sleep

4. drink coffee

3. read a good book

2. Play in the rain

1. Watch a movie with friends

My Thoughts: Rain...its refreshing, wet, sweet, and makes me happy...kinda like kissing

Thanks Mom

For everyone who read my xanga over the last few days and saw my diffrent views on life...sorry today there is only one.

I was driving today talking to my mother on my cell phone and telling her about how stressed i was about school and not getting stuff in on time and having my classes dropped and really just ranting and raving about how stressed i was about stuff and pritty much having a pity party with myself being the guest of honor when my mom said to me...
Son do you not have faith that God takes care of things in his own timing. All you have to do is trust in him.
Ya know it wasn't one of those "AH-HA!" revelation type things but more of one of those DUH type things that makes you feel stupid because you knew better. The thing is i can remember saying almost that exact same thing to someone just a few days ago. So after my "Duh" experience today i decided that life just wasn't worth being stressed out about right now. When God cuts things close and to the wire it only shows you to trust him more...besides life is more exciting with a photo finish. Thanks Mom!

My Thoughts: Life...take for granted, Death...not respected enough, Soulution...take risks

Pessimistic/Optimistic/Realistic

Pessimistic View: So yeah after this weekend it seemed that four about two second all my stress went out the window...then a whole new set of stresses came and were like, "hello how are you I am about to make you life a LIVING HELL!!!!!" There is always something that seems to keep me from breathing...and it is all BULL CRAP!! And i say that words "BULL CRAP" in that exhausted-non-belief type voice, the one you use when you are so tired that you cant possibly imagine that there is something else that you now have to deal with.

Optimistic View: So things are going pritty good right now. Ya know there are a few things that are on my plate but they only add spice to life. I have a wonderful girlfriend, I am moving back into town soon. I bought some new really cool flip-flops. Life is exciting and new and although I don’t know what is going on tomorrow I am sure it will be an exciting adventure where there is only more joy to be found.

Realistic View: Life is going...OK. I am surviving. I do have a wonderful girlfriend and she does live in Dallas (so the Dallas part really stinks) school starts soon but I don’t know if my FAFSA will be in soon enough because we had problems with it and my Dad had to refill it out and so I am worried because if I don’t get it sorted out by Tuesday my classes get dropped. But I do get to move back on the 18th. (It will be good to live with Geoff again) But my job ends on the 10th and I don’t know what I am going. I have an interview at a church in Anson so hopefully that will be an answer to prayer. To sum it all up...God is being faithful and I am learning to trust him...but sometimes he cuts these things really darn close

My Thoughts: Life...half full or half empty? SCREW THE GLASS

Things That Make Me Smile

Things that make me smile.

1. playing in the rain
2. new cars
3. drinking coffee outside on a cold winter day
4. favorite sports teams winning
5. least favorite sports teams losing (like the Yankees)
6. staying up late talking to people
7. watching movies in an empty theater
8. American Choppers
9. girls with straightened hair (and girls with curly hair)
10. the color blue
    

Roller Coaster

Roller coasters yup that is about how it is...up and down and up and down and so on and so forth. THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR THE LAST WEEK!!!! One second i am floating in the clouds and life couldn't get any better, the next i am stressing out because i don't know if i am going to get enough money to be able to do this or have enough time to do that. I feel like the world is passing me by. The ability to stop change, not time but to stop change. For everything to stay the same for just a little longer so i can figure things out. So i can hold onto you that much longer. But in the words of Casting Crowns

I am a flower quickly fading here today and gone tomorrow

My entire grasp on reality is flying out the window and i don't know if i am coming or going and at the same time i and trying to experience what everyone tells me i am supose to and i am trying to be who everyone tells me i am supose to be. Oh to sit in peace. I long for nothingness and at the same time for everything. I am ready for the roller coast to stop and for me to get off of the ride but if i do i will no longer enjoy the thrill of the ride.

My Thoughts: Life is fickle

Ashley's Post on My Blog

Hey Joel

Since you left this open on my computer I could be really mean and post something or change all your settings (kind of like you did on my phone)

but I won't

Hope you had a good day today. Catch ya later!!

Ashley

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The above post is this girl who keeps stalking me and she is really starting to scare me since she is hacking into my xanga to declare her un-dieing love for me. (jk Ashley...your the best)

Ashby sorry about your West Nile...i will most deff. be praying for you

My Thoughts:Stalkers...its a good thing? ...... wait that didnt sound right

Family

So this weekend i went home to celebrate the 4th of July with my family and the trip turned out to be loads of fun. You know i am amazed the older i get the more i seem to enjoy my family. It also just completely blesses me to see the Lord do works in their lives. To see your family grow in the Lord together is a true blessing that many don't have the pleasure of.

My sisters are so much more fun to be around now than they were growing up (because there is less fighting). But they both have become very beautiful young ladies who have a burning passion and desire for the Lord. Their husbands are going to have to be pritty amazing to marry them (and will of course have to go through a screening and application process).

My Dad has become more than just a Dad but an amazing friend as well. My most stimulating conversations are with him. We talk about any and everything, whether is is ministry, book ideas, or just random things. It is really cool to have someone who has gone through the same classes, type churches, and ministry situations that i am so close with and can talk to about.

And most importantly (at least if you ask her) my mother. I call her on average at least once a day. When we lived in the same house we both fought with each other a lot but i find when i am away i miss her the most. I am truly blessed with such an amazing mom. The sacrifes she has made for our family are why we are still a family today.

Me and both my sisters!! Cassie is always on the left and Carrie is always on the right in pictures.

This is my father with my sisters as you may notice Cassie is still on the left and Carrie is still on the right

The most important ladies in my life My Thoughts: To my Family...I love you

Surrounded by Death

This summer i myself and many of my friends have just been surrounded with (what we would call) tragic deaths so i thought i would post one of my personal journal entries here for you guys.

Surrounded by death i see the changes in the lives of us who remain. Some desperately cling onto who they were in an attempt to continue to hold onto what they know as "normal." And who can blame them? Others try to push away who they were before there loss. In the end change is unavoidable and it seems to always hurt. The thought of never looking these people i the eyes again and the pain we see every time we look into their families eyes. My fear of death is becoming to haunting coming closer and closer. Its not that i am afraid of what will happen after i die...I WILL BE IN GLORY...but the effects that death has on people at times hurts my soul. With vigor i want to make every day count. When i die i want people to say the same things about me that were said at David Gilbert's and JoAnna Godman's funerals. To make a difference in people we have to start now today because tomorrow is just a concept a distant possibility that we hold to much stock in. To make a difference tomorrow you must begin with making a difference today.

For: David, JoAnna, Gary, J.S., Christen, Tohmas and all of their friends and families

Fire Crackilers

Well it is a pleasant Thursday and I am the only one in the office this morning and after lunch today i am heading to Abilene to hang out with my friends (because i love you guys) and then tomorrow i am heading to the L-B-K aka L-Town aka Home aka Lubbock gonna hang out with the fam a little maybe see some friends celebrate a little 4th of July action maybe shoot (not get shot again) some fire crackilers with my peeps ya know the normal stuff.

So i have so much more appreciation for my youth pastors now. Because all week i have started working on the D-Now that my youth group is going to be doing and it has been just so much stuff and this was just the first week. The week of our D-Now is going to be insane but the Lord is really opening some awesome windows and opportunities so it is going to be really cool to see that he is going to do.

I hope you all have a blessed day

ok so i am going to try this picture thing

This is my friend (and RA) Purkey...he is...well...special
This is Luke and Haley the pic is a year old but it is one of my favorites
This is Trevor he is amazing at the guitar and he is my friend...and thats all i have to say about
that
This is Shane at the cemetery...you just keep doing you thing man
This is Wade, Chris, and Shane, as they ponder the worlds greatest mystery...If the Interstate Highway system connects states (hints the name INTER-state) where do the Interstates in Hawaii go?

My Thoughts: Pics of my friends...its a good thing

Comedy Tragedy

So it has been a while since i posted and stuff so i decided to post today. Since i last posted i had the opportunity to go see the Atlanta Braves play in Arlington and i am sad to report that i while i showed up for the game the braves did not and let me down with a 7-3 loss. To top it ALL OFF my friends who will remain name less...cough cough...perky and jenna...cough cough...were not very nice to me after this devastating blown to my emotional inner child and then i exclaimed to them the most feared and dreaded of words...Friendship Off... their friendship was later reinstated...but then later turned back off...but then later turned back on...but then later turned back off again...i am not sure if it is currently on or off...so anyways.

On a more serious note i had the unfortunate experience of having to go to a funeral for someone that many thought was to young to die...Jenn i am sorry and i will continue to pray for all of you...the funny thing is everyone who thinks he was to young to die don't know what it is like, to be in heaven, to no longer feel the pain of cancer, to no longer cry, to longer struggle, and to be in the arms of Christ...wow i say he is that fortunate one here. So David Gilbert i regret that i knew you in reputation only but your life is one that effects people you have never met and will continue to spread the good news of Christ.

My Thoughts: Being in the arms of my savior...will be a glorious thing

Shout Out to Friends

Ok so i have decided to write a post to all my friends:

Christopher Bruce - Hey dude i just wanted to thank you for how awesome of an encouragement you are to me. I have had a blast this past year and next year is going to be even better. I am praying for you and your kids and hopefully i will get to visit.

Summer - Hey kiddo i was just gonna say that you are the coolest person ever. You are always encouraging and the least complicated girl i know. I miss you and am praying for you.

Shane - Man you are the craziest awesomest person in my life and probably the most fun to stay up late at wataburger eating a triple while enjoying a delicious shake with to. You are an incredible man of God and a true friend.

Wade - O wade what can i say except thanks for being a grandfather to us all...jk. Man i cant wait for the year to start back so that we may re institute Thursday night Frisbee. Thanks for always letting me crash at your place.

Jenna - Wow watch out for those thunder storms . Thanks for always being you. I feel like i can truly trust you...and that is a lot. Although we make fun of your age you show an incredible amount of maturity (at least more than me ) and discernment.

Kristi - Hey i am so excited that you are coming to HSU and i am looking forward to getting to know you more. Thanks for your encoruagment.

Danielle - Hey kid even though your music is a little messed up at times i guess we can still be friends

Purkey - Next year is going to be awesome. Thanks for begin you and by that i mean thanks for begin such an awesome friend

Ashby - Hey even though your tree buying quirks are a little overboard i guess that you are cool enough . And thanks for being the only girl to actually fill out the dating application. You are an amazing woman of God ands always encouraging.

Kingz - Have fun up in Canada # 2 and dont forget that you are a cowgirl (and don't say "soda pop")

Carrie - You and Cass are the greatest sisters in the entire world i miss you both and love you

Aleigh - Have fun doing your thousands of hours of summer school Thanks for always being there

If i forgot you just holla and i will add you to the list

My Thoughts:Smiley Faces...its a good thing

Condition

Ok so it has been a while since i put something deep or poetic on here so here goes.

Condition

I'm tired of living life betweens broken hopes of love. I am longing to risk, to chance, to fight, but when all is at all I just haven't found one worth it. I am tired of watching the world pass by while i am still standing here wondering where everyone else is going while i find myself angry that i cant go to. In the end i blame myself for not being like everyone else. Originality is supose to be a good thing? We are all supose to be Individuals? I am supose to be myself? If i am supose to be myself and original why do i feel like those words are damning me. I am tired of being me. Because i decided that i am not good enough for anyone else. It isn't that I am not accepted..after a while they all accept me. It is the fact that i don't want them to because i feel like that in order to gain that acceptance they must be lowered to where i am. Am i a charity for you lovers who say to your significant other, "Ahhh look how pitiful he is. He looks like he needs help. So lets throw to him the scraps off our table of life so that he may enjoy whatever fulfilling pleasures of life we have LEFT OVER." So where does that put me now? With a fake smile, and a convincing but empty "Thank You" to those who i discover don't really care for me. If i could only wake up to see the morning sun scatter through the blinds, but that is only wishful thinking. And the only thing that wishes bring are letdowns.

My Thoughts: Depressing Writting...might not be such a good thing

The Friendship I Needed

Okay so yesterday was awesome and exactly what i needed. I got to hang out and just be around several different people who just really gave me the encouragement that i have needed. Me and Jenna left and drove to Dallas she dropped me off at Six Flags where i got to meet my Dad's new Youth Pastor Kyle and got to hang out with them for a couple hours with their youth then i met up with Lindsey and Ashley Adams, and Rachel Hutchins and just hang out and ride roller coasters with them. On the way back to Abilene me and Jenna got stuck in the worst storm i have ever been out in while driving, it was so bad we had to pull off the road and it was really scary but we managed to make it back. Then i got to hang out with a lot of my H-SU friends and i even go to see Summer...ALL THAT SAID it just amazes me that God knows exactly what i need. He knew i was lonely and then blessed me with a day like that. It just makes me that much more joyful in my heavenly father.

My Thoughts: God's blessings of friendship...ITS AN AMAZING THING

To All the Ladies

Ok so today I watched the movie Meet Joe Black and it was absolutely incredible if you haven't seen it i recommend picking yourself up a copy.

So i went to my Friends' wedding today and it was a blast. I got to see people i hadn't seen in forever. But it really makes me think that i wish i could just fast forward time and be married. But now i am at the stage of having to find someone that i can first date and then maybe have to possibility of marrying...so if there are any females interested in the position fell free to apply by simply leaving a post confessing your un-dieing love for me.

My Thoughts: multiple ladies confessing their un-dieing love...its a good thing

Ashby wanted an application process so here it is

Part one: Short answer
1. Please list your name and what you prefer to be called.

2. What is your date of birth?

3. What age do you act when you are around your friends?

4. Please list your hobbies, and give detailed descriptions of things you like to do that you do not consider hobbies.

5. Do you keep the "friends" you make (retention ratio)?

6. Do you have any emotional/mental conditions to which I should be made aware (I.E.--still in love with ex, bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, et cetera)?

7. Do you want children? If so, how many and why?

8. What do you do for a living now?

9. What are you goals in life? Be specific. Please list goals for career, life, love, et cetera.

10. Do you drink, smoke, or have any drug habits? (Not saying any are bad, just want to know)

11. What types of music do you listen to?

12. Are you a cultured person? If not, is this by choice or circumstance?

13. Do you have a criminal background?

14. What are your favorite types of food? Please list in order of favoritism.

15. Are you gay, straight, bisexual, confused, lesbian, et cetera? If gay/bisexual/lesbian, do not complete application and do not post results !!

16. Why are you filling this out?

17. What is your favorite color?

18. What is your favorite TV show?

19. What is your favorite type of movie genre (i.e.--comedy, drama, horror, action, chick-flick)?

20. What is your favorite movie?

21. Do you describe yourself as more logical/intellectual or more emotional of a person?

22. Do your friends find you to be: the joker, the counselor, a buddy, or other? Please describe.

23. Please tell me what the following words mean to you: Conservative, Liberal, Democrat, Republican, Politics, Religion.

24. Pick the element from the following that best describes you and tell why: Fire, Water, Wind, Earth.

25. When you look into the mirror, what do you see

Part two: essay Please choose 2 out of the three
1. Describe your ideal of the "perfect" first date. Include what you would do, the other person, why it is the "perfect" date, and anything else that comes to mind.

2. Hypothetical situation: There is someone at your work you find very attractive. You know he/she is single. How do you go about attracting this person's attention? Do you ask him/her out on a date? Do you wait for him/her to come to you for small talk? Please feel free to list hypothetical dialog in your response.

3. Describe yourself in 10-15 years, if you could have your dream job (not one that makes the most money, but the one you would enjoy the most) and life. Please be very specific and honest.

Lonely

Ok so i don't know how many of you our there in XANGAland have ever been in a place where you just felt lonely all the time but for the last week that is what my life has been like. I have recently moved to the thriving metropolis of Knox City Texas and increased the population to 1247 people. I am far away from all my friends, i don't have cell phone service, and the internet is dial-up. For the first time in my life the loneliness i feel is more of an ache than the usual boredom. In one sense it makes me miss my friends even more but in another it gives me a desire to know them more and i most definitely appreciate them more. So to all my friends and family...thanks.

My Thoughts: Friendship...its a good thing

Profile Pics

Ok so it is really starting to tick me off when people don't put there own picture on there profiles, because when you are looking at a blog and someone has a screen name i don't recognize and they don't say there name anywhere in there little profile the only other way you can know if you know them or not is by there picture and i am tired of seeing pictures that are not pictures (the only exception is wade who puts his cute baby pictures) other than that i want to see you not some image of something else that isn't you. Ok that is it i am stepping down off of my soap box

My Thoughts: Soup box...its a good thing

Episode III

Ok, so i saw Star Wars last night and let me just say if i wasn't around a bunch of guys i would have probably cried. It was really sad....but stinking amazing and i already want to see it again. I liked it so much and was so unsatisfied with the ending i went out and bought Episodes IV, V, & VI on Wide screen DVD.

My Thoughts: Star Wars....its a good thing

Leaving for Knox City

It is 8:27 and my truck is loaded and i am about to leave and make my way towards the smallest town i will have ever lived in. Knox City has a population of about 1400 people but the good news is that it is the seedless watermelon capital of the world so that should be nice. Any one who wants to come by an visit...visitors welcome.

j-Tree

Ok i spent all night recording a Rap song at my friend Josh's house. So here is the début single of J-Tree the track is entitled Life...Take One (what this really is two white boys who were really bored and thought they would try to do something they had no business doing...writing and recording raps)

Click here for the music

HSU 04-05

So my first year of college is over and it went by super fast. I am sitting at home right now thinking how strange it is that my dorm room isn't mine any more, all my stuff is gone, and it no longer smells like me and Geoff (which is probably a good thing). I am sitting at home right now listening to my mother as she gives me a list of things that i need to do in the week that i am home...and later when i go out to hang out with my friends she will tell me what time i need to be home. Thank heavens i will only here a week. So i am really sad that this semester is over cause i am really going to miss my friends. But the Lord is going to do some awesome things this summer.

See-Saw

If only th purity in my heart would eliminate the temptations of the flesh i wouldnt feel a failure. I fear that what the world has to offer at times is holding me back from what God has to offer. My apathetic life is leading me into the dangerous waters that are luke warm. I fear my on disolution of morality. At times i feel as though the world cant come close to striking me down and at others times i feel like i am not holding on to God hard enough to be pulled up. On this see-saw of life i feel like i go up and down as something that is designed to be manipulated by others. I am just a pon in a game where the King is all that matters. Lord move me and place me where you desire for me to be. I am just honored that you want to use me in the game where your victory is foreseen

Sorrow

The concept of sorrow confuses me. Something we experience causes us to hurt and experience sorrow. But through sorrows i have found some of my greatest friends, had some of my deepest conversations, and done the most soul searching. But through it all it still hurts.

Wonders of the Heart

Wonders of the Heart

I want to know the contents of my heart. I want to understand the wonders of it that keep me always guessing and never knowing where it will take me next. But more and rather I want to know the contents of your heart that keeps me wondering and guessing asking myself where will you take me next. But do you realize that i hang, suspended above the world, by a very thread of hope hanging from your heart. I fear you releasing me of that hope and of you sending me hurtling to earth below. I fear the falling and waiting for the pain. Yet all my heart allows for me is to hold on to that hope as it is the last once of hope in existence. My heart sends me dazed and confused to places i dare not travel, not for fear of where the path may end but of the path itself. I know at the end of my course is full of th wonderful that life is made of but it is the course itself that suppress me into fear. The danger of the path keeps me from traveling it and remaining in my state of confusion. The clarity in your eyes, the comfort of your voice, and the invitation of your laugh ask me to travel the path but in fear i stand questioning the content of my heart.

Your Poem

What you mean to me On pages wont be found It exists in only one record That to my heart and soul is bound I'm better off for knowing you And your influence on me Has been a learning experience of what beauty can truly be The joy of loving purity The memories of a friend The things that make us laugh and smile I will cherish to no end. Comforting words while tears were shed Have come on both our part Your wisdom shared with love and care Has forever touched my heart The things I've done to make you mad The mistakes that I have made Have deserved for you to walk out on it And yet with our friendship you have stayed Your the type person that changes a life Your friendship is one that I cherish I hope and pray that it will remain And ask God that it never perish.

All Beauty

All Beauty
The sun is breaking dawn of day Colors dance across the ground. Brilliant lights captured on display But no Beauty can be found. Snow covered mountains fresh and new White blanket all around Perfection of nature pure and true But no Beauty can be found. Star scattered air, light the dark sky. The songs of cricketts resound. Thousands of diomands captured on display But no Beauty can be found. White rollign ocean crystal the clear Water will thunder and pound. Stairing the distance from eternity's pier But no Beauty can be found. Ranibow spanning strongly colorful So elegantly round. Though its colors be true wodnerful No Beauty can be found Bright autumn smokey mountains Misty clouds fall to the ground Leaves flow from natures fountain But no Beauty can be found Eyes containing such a brilliance Your presence so profound Angelic you are in likness My heart begins to pound The words you ask are seven I'm lifted off the ground Consumed with in your heaven I dare not touch the ground. Do you think that I am Beautiful? To this quest your heart is bound. What is this feeling inside me? What is this I have found? What is it my heart is seeing As my eyes begin to drown. You are my reason for being. All Beauty has been found.

Hollow Gray

What does one do when all life becomes a hollow gray existence and the pain of normality keeps resounding through that hollow gray? But when all I can see around me is the pattern of life that keeps me trapped in the rut of everyday agony what can fill my hollow and return to me the joy for breathing? The grace of a kiss, the love of another, the want and desire to be longed for, these things are what create such a void, such a hollowness. Seeing those who walk by only to glance long enough to capture my heart and then they leave taking my heart away from me and disregarding it. But through the fog of hopelessness filling the hollow there is a small light that is to commonly overlooked. That light is merely an idea. But that idea is the only ounce of hope that holds on in the midst of the gray. The light is the only reason why I remain so hopelessly devoted to something that at times cannot be fathomed in the emptiness of the void that I consider my heart.